don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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