The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
