just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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