Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
