you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
