I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
