"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
