Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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