Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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