in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
