If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
