I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize