I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
