She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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