He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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