Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
