Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize