Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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