my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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