I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
