is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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