Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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