I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
