he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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