If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
