All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
