I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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