wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
