i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
