i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
