What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize