I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
