it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
