Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
