Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize