I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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