I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you're hired as official boob wrangler
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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