I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
