In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
