I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
