Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
