We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
