I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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