it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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