Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize