i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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