Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
