shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize