Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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