3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize