I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
