and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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