I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
