There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
