Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
