she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize