Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
