Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize