i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
