if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
