my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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