JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
