I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
