I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize