In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
