We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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