You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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