Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
