Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
