I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
