Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
