Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
