I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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