if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
