6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
