He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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