remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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